21 Aug Times of Conflict
After realizing the truth of Christianity, the floodgates opened for a titanic struggle. As the train slowly approached in the tunnel, my mind turned a corner. A dark curtain descended, eclipsing my former epiphanies. I found it impossible to sync my new resolve with my Jewish life. If I trusted in God’s leading, I would risk being lost in translation in a community that I loved. The thread of Jewishness resided in my consciousness as a state of being, not a theoretical fact.
Caught between two worlds that I couldn’t bridge, I longed for closure. Psychologists call this the classic “approach-avoidance conflict.” In my schizophrenic wrestling, every confirmation half grasped disintegrated into thin air. My raw, frayed nerves stood on edge. I lived in a negative space, like the push-pull between two dueling magnets. I existed in the shadows between two worlds, not obtaining the power from either.